![Pleas[e] and Carrots](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhG4pOVMkbxyscVFXJDIrktjwi96tzP7i17rqjDOEeyOi3G53CzrSqlvchkbCbX4h0CyIH8_BneBUUlHjjPAHt48iew147GxyHf5truA6SUqs7AiWXjdOQFt_d2O4Ao7GQHtNGyLlwp15q/s1600-r/Please+Header.png)
In case you've never read this post detailing my embarrassing moments, many of which involving me falling or tripping, I should let you in on a little not-so-secret.. I'm a klutz. I've gotten worse lately, and seriously, it has gotten out of control. I am constantly tripping, running into walls, falling up steps, or spilling stuff. Let me just describe this past Saturday morning to you, as an example of a pretty typical spazzy day in the life of Jessica.
Wake up. Try to pick up my phone off the night stand. Drop it on the floor. Try to grab it, almost fall out of bed, and knock over my earring holder, spilling all the earrings on the floor.
Fast forward. Drop a cereal box. Can't get my shoes on to take the dogs outside. Drop a dog leash while the dogs are attached.. twice.
Sit on the couch, get cold, Brian gets me a sweatshirt. Try to put it on, get it stuck on my head, my arm swings out, and BAM, mimosa spills everywhere. Literally. It was on my sweatshirt, the coffee table, the carpet, Schnitzel, the couch, both of our phones and both of our computers. Clean up ensues for 30 minutes.
Time to get ready. Don't feel like taking a shower. Get dressed. Fall over putting on my socks. Go into the bathroom. Drop my mascara on the floor a few times. Knock a candle and the soap into the sink. Dip my sleeve under the faucet while washing my hands. Try to shave my armpits while holding my sweater up, but my arm gets stuck, yanks free, and the razor scrapes across my nose, making three, yes, THREE, adorable cuts across the tip of my nose. Bleed for the next hour.
Go to the bagel shop. Try to put a napkin in the trashcan. Drop it on the floor. Try to put a stirrer in the trash can. Drop that on the floor too.
Okay, you get it at this point. I am a freaking MESS! And keep in mind, all of this happened before noon, and I'm actually a morning person. Also, I was a varsity athlete in high school, so it's not like I've been uncoordinated my whole life! Maybe I have a disorder, symptoms of which include having no balance and terrible hand-eye coordination. Any ideas? Have a happy
so, i *heard* that as you get closer to your period, you get more clumsy. sometimes i think that's true because about 1 or 2wks before, i turn into a hot mess and my husband is like, what's with you?! maybe your vagina is about to start bleeding and your body is trying to kill itself to avoid having to deal with awful periods.
ReplyDelete-kathy | Vodka and Soda
This honestly made me laugh!
Deletecracking up, but that sounds about right!
DeleteI also have plenty of slip ups and uncoordinated moments. Maybe we all need to practice our coordination every now and again. Try walking with a book on your head? Just avoid sharp corners and make sure the dogs are far away from any falling books or people. LOL.
ReplyDeletehaha oh jeez! some mornings we just need to go back to bed and start over ha.
ReplyDelete-- jackie - jade and oak
I'm clumsy, but more of the walk into walls/doors kind of clumsy. I feel you girl. Maybe we need to take a class on how to be graceful!
ReplyDeleteI go through periods where I drop everything and I get so annoyed at myself, I blame it on the fact that my hands shake constantly (thanks mom and dad for that genetic gift) but I'm not always sure that's it. Sometimes I don't even know why or what happened it just does.
ReplyDeleteWhew girl that is a lot for one morning! haha I died at the Rudolph picture too.
ReplyDeleteI have been known to do many of these things and hurt myself in the most ridiculous ways possible. Luckily though they tend to happen one day at a time!
haha! Girl- I think maybe you need to start wearing like knee and elbow pads...maybe a helmet too. I'm super clumsy though too...I have no idea how I haven't cracked the screen on my phone cause I drop it at least once a day.
ReplyDeletehaha I so have those days! You just know after the first incident its not going to be your day!
ReplyDeleteI think you need a reality show because I love laughing at klutzy people. C'mon... do it for meee! :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha, all of those klutzy moments had me cracking up! Don't worry - I'm just as klutzy, so you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteHaha I have those days, thankfully it's not all the time! You could have an inner ear problem, it throws off your balance. True story.
ReplyDeleteHahaha I laughed so hard at this! I have days where I swear I do all of these things, too!
ReplyDeleteAw Jess! I've had those days. I'm sorry you're having so many consecutively. I bet once this batch of klutzy-ness is over, you will be the most graceful, coordinated person ever. You just gotta get it oit of your system ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be the better people are at sports, the more clumsy they are in real life. I dont get it. I'm a huge spaz too. I run into door frames all the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm also seriously lacking in hand eye coordination and balance. I've just embraced it (bruises, cuts, smashed mugs, dishes, candles, etc) but my trainer at the gym has caught on and loves making me do things that require both therefor embarrassing the hell out of me in front of every beefcake/douchebag/barbie princess. I'm convinced that one day I'll be confined to a helmet and motorized scooter.
ReplyDeleteOh girl!!! We are ONE in the same! I am the clumsiest person alive. I can't do anything right the first time. I also can't do anything without creating a huge massive mess or hurting myself. It's a real problem. Instead of house searching--maybe you and I need to go on the search for some kind of protective bubble. Let me know if you find one :)
ReplyDelete