"If you don't stop I'm going to kiss you!"

I am super excited to introduce one of my best blog friends to you guys. Seriously, I love this girl and she is here to share a hilarious childhood story with you today! I'm sure you guys know Miranda already, but if you don't, run, don't walk, over to her blog. She is an amazing writer and hosts a Fiction on Friday link up every week, you have to check it out! 

Hey hey, Pleas(e) and Carrot readers! My name is Miranda, and I blog over at Miranda Writes where I write about anything and everything, including reading, Florida life, calligraphy, my journey with trichotillomania, and whatever else strikes my fancy. I have also recently began hosting a weekly fiction writing link-up, so if you're a fiction writer you should really come check it out!

I'm a little (and by a little, I mean a lot) excited that Jess has invited me here to post today. Don't you all just love her? She is so genuine, not to mention hilarious. She has been one of my BBFFs (best blogging friends forever) for a while now. I knew that we were soul mates the second that I read about the time that she stuck a bead up her nose and had to go to the hospital to get it removed. Because...I may or may not have done the same thing. I could tell you about that, but it's still a little traumatizing.

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Jess is the queen of sharing entertaining childhood stories. Her funny tales have inspired me to share a couple of my own , including the unfortunate ones of ripping my pants my freshman year of high school and the time I was chased by a bull. So I thought, as a guest writer on Pleas(e) and Carrots today, why not share another shameful blast from the past? I present to you:

The Shame of the Kissing Kindergarten Kid

Picture it. Small town Florida. Kindergarten classroom. Year 1994. Approximately 1:30 P.M.

It was nap time; a time of day despised by 5-year-old me. I had grabbed my nap mat from my cubby, and arrived back at my desk. The teacher always insisted that we lay with our heads underneath our desks. Don't ask me why. I'm sure it had to do with classroom organization or something along those lines. 

I rolled my mat open on the floor and laid down without argument. Sure, I hated nap time, but I was also a bit of a teacher's pet. I would have never dreamed of intentionally getting into trouble. The lights went out and the ridiculous classical music came on. The classroom became completely quiet, except for the sporadic sighs of children who are being forced to take naps that they have no interest in taking. I was laying still, staring up at the bottom of my desk when I felt it...a jab in my left shoulder.

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Of course it was him. The most annoying kid in the classroom, who I so unluckily had the pleasure of having an assigned seat next to. I still remember his name to this day...Aaron. It still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He had jabbed his bony kindergarten finger into my chubby shoulder. I looked over at him and he laughed. The he poked me again. 

"Stop!" I said in my quietest nap time whisper. 

"No," he said and poked me again. 

"That hurts!" 

He poked me a fourth time. 

"Quit it! You're going to get us in trouble!" I whined, a little louder. A shush came from the teacher somewhere across the room. 

He poked me again. So I threw out the only threat that a five-year-old girl could possibly use to frighten a five-year-old boy.

"If you don't stop I'm going to kiss you!"

And what did the little pain do? He poked me again. There was only one thing left to do. Besides, I have always been a woman of my word. 

So, I leaned over and gave him a swift peck on the cheek.

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Tears (yes, tears...that was great for the self esteem) sprang into his eyes and he jumped up quick as lightning. 

"I'm telling!" he yelled as he ran across the room. 

The panic set in after that. I had never been in trouble for anything and now I had kissed a boy....the ultimate crime. I laid paralyzed on my nap mat. All I could think about was what was going to happen to me. Would I get kicked out of school? Would I have to write 100 "I will not kiss Aaron again" sentences? Would I get sent to the principal? Would the teacher tell my parents? Did I have COOTIES now?

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"Miranda, can you come here please?" My thoughts were interrupted by the voice my my teacher. I stood up on shaky legs and slowly made the trek to her desk. One lecture and a few of my own tears later, I was back on the nap mat. My teacher never told my parents, I fortunately escaped being infected by cooties, and I promised myself that no one would ever hear of the travesty I had committed. I also vowed to never kiss anyone ever again. Until at least high school anyway. ;)

Aaron moved away a few years later. (He was still annoying, by the way.) And we all lived happily ever after.

The End.