"We Had a Big Lunch"

Okay so this is might be a leeeetle bit long, but believe me, it's funny (at least, I can look back now and laugh at it). In my second year of law school, I went on a trip for a Moot Court competition. Going to this particular competition were our coach/professor, Tara* Ashley* Jon* Sean* and me (*names changed to protect the not so innocent). We had it all planned that we were meeting at and leaving from the parking lot at our school at 10am the day of the competition. Late the night before, we get an email from Jon saying that last year they picked him up on the way to the competition because he lives an hour and a half away and it's on our route to NY, so can we do that this year? Uhh thanks Jon for asking us last minute and leaving us no choice (and we weren't even on your team last year!), so sure, we will pick you up. 

We all squeeze in the minivan with our luggage and garment bags and it's decided that Sean's driving because he's a father and probably drives one of these suckers safely so he is a good choice, right? WRONG. Sean drove about 90mph the whole way. We thought we were going to die. Our professor kept looking at us in horror, and I am sure we looked back equally terrified. But hey, we did get to the competition in only about 4 hours actual drive time (it should have taken 5.5)! 

So eventually we get to the park & ride, pick up Jon, and he sits in the front seat next to Sean. They discuss their oral arguments and act like the rest of us aren't there the. whole. rest. of. the. trip. I wish I was kidding. They had already made it clear to us in the preceding months that boys rule girls drool, so it wasn't like we were shocked, but c'mon man. 

Randomly we pull into a rest stop about an hour and a half away from the competition around 2 pm. No communication, just they wanted to stop so we stopped. Alrighty then, we all go in and use the bathroom, and us girls (when I say girls, I am including the professor, because she was treated like chopped liver as well) returned to the car, but the guys are nowhere to be found. 10 minutes later they return with hot dogs. Hot dogs? We already had discussed food and it had been decided that we were going to stop right before we got to our hotel, that way we would eat right before the competition which we had to be at at 5pm (at which point we wouldn't get to eat again til around 10pm). "Oh well, we'll stop again" said the boys.

But we didn't. Nope, they drove us straight to the hotel. We stormed out of the car, leaving them to get our luggage and check-in. The boys brought our luggage to our room and told us there were cookies we could eat (to hold us over til 10pm!) in the lobby. COOKIES, FOR DINNER. At that point Ashley, Tara, and I lost it. We pretty much were a tornado getting ready, ranting about how rude the guys were. We met them down in the lobby after we were dressed and told them how starving we were and can we please stop somewhere on the way to the school, but they said nope, no time. Grr.

We get to the school and thank heavens, there is a Starbucks next door. We sprint in our heels and suits to the Starbucks and each pay $11 for like 3 pieces of cheese and 5 grapes in a plastic container, then run back to the school and get checked in. I almost passed out, since we hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. Great way to go into a competition. 

Saw this in the parking lot and it was probably the only time I laughed the whole weekend

So the competition happens and our teams meet up in the banquet hall dinner after at 10pm for announcements of who's moving on in the competition and to eat some dinner, yes! finally! Then we see the appetizer-sized plates...

Well Tara, Ashley, and I pile those babies high with food and come back to the table, only to find that Jon and Sean hadn't gotten any food. We asked them what was up, and their response "oh, we had a big lunch." YOU HAD A BIG LUNCH? YOU HAD ONE HOT DOG! Ignored. 

So when it was over we head back to the hotel and Jon is like "you guys wana go out to the bars tonight?" Oh yea that'd be so much fun to go with you, you food withholder. So that was a no, and it was decided we would meet in the lobby to go somewhere for breakfast at 10am the next day (the competition didn't start til 5pm again that day).

10am rolls around, and there us girls are in the lobby, waiting to go to breakfast.. finally a real meal!! Jon and Sean come up to us and inform us that they ate already at 7am. WHAAAAT? 

My mouth couldn't even form words, and Ashley looked like she was going to faint. Tara spoke first, "give Jessica the keys and no one gets hurt, she's driven a minivan before, we're leaving." The guys said nah, they could eat again, and we went to IHOP where they proceeded to literally shovel mountains of food into their mouths. They were so messing with us at this point, because how do you go from eating ONE hot dog and being full ALL DAY, to eating TWO breakfasts the next day? Answer-- you don't, you're just mean. 

It gets weirder. That night, Tara, Ashley, Sean, and me went out to eat. Trying to be nice and make conversation, I asked Sean (who hadn't spoken barely a WORD to his partner Tara the whole 3 months they had to work together) what his daughter wanted for Christmas. He responded with 3 words, "a kitchen set." Welp, monosyllabic man Sean strikes again. Or so I thought, until later Ashley tells us that Sean shocked her and basically told her his whole life story, including some extremely inappropriate stuff, at dinner while Tara and I were talking to each other. Whatever man. 

Needless to say, we were glad Sean drove home fast the next day because we were so ready to go home. Even though it was snowing and he was still driving 90 in the left lane. And we didn't even win. Bah humbug.

Help us!!

Ashley, Tara and me still rant about that trip from h-e-double hockey sticks to this day! So, what is the moral of this story, you might ask? 

LET THE WOMEN EAT. 

The end.

Epilogue. Brian and I stopped by the infamous hot dog rest stop on our way to the lake this September and I made him get one of the hot dogs to see if they have magical stomach-filling powers. They don't.