The Rings of My Nightmares

As you may know, Brian and I have been together for over four and a half years, and we've been living together for two now, so back before we got engaged in May I knew it would be coming any time. So of course, the ring nightmares started at least a year ago. Girls, seriously, tell me you've had them? After each one I'd wake up in a panic and check my hand and be like "whew! dodged a bullet there" (also, that was the only time you'd catch me being relieved that I wasn't engaged haha). Anyway, I figured I'd share my top three worst ring nightmares today.

1. The Yellow Ring- The stone in the ring in this dream was yellow, like bright yellow. Not pretty, not pretty at all. But in my dreams apparently I am super sweet and "said yes" regardless of the ring, and even told Brian that I loved it. Barf! I've also dreamed about getting purple rings, and I think red.

2. The Plastic Super Bowl Ring- This one was so huge that when I wore it I couldn't even bend my finger, and it basically looked like a huge super bowl ring but it was plastic and had a green stone in it. Again, I told him I loved it!

3. The Convertible Ring/Watch- Alright I remember much more detail about this dream than the others. We were in some weird house and Brian was insistent upon making me waffles. So I was laying in bed, which was basically right outside of the kitchen (it's a dream, so it doesn't make sense, remember?) watching him make waffles. So he brings me two chocolate dipped waffles (weird) and insists I eat them. Okayyyy, so I took a bite and felt something so I looked and there was my ring! He was SO FREAKING EXCITED about the ring he picked out, and meanwhile I was mortified. Basically it was a gray rubber ring with a green plastic-looking "stone" on top, but when I put it on Brian was like "it's so awesome, look what it can do!" and he stretched the ring out and it became a watch to wear on your wrist. I remember thinking OMG seriously this is the worst, but I have to pretend to love it so I don't hurt his feelings. We went and told family in this dream too and I had to fake liking it for them so that they wouldn't think Brian was a freaking weirdo for picking out such an atrocious ring! I even told them it's exactly what I wanted and that I asked him to get me a ring just like that. Dream Jessica is wayyyyy nicer than Real Jessica, because Real Jessica would have told him what was up!!

I know I had more bad ring dreams besides these, but these are the ones that stick out in my mind! Luckily Brian came through and picked out my gorgeous ring which I love! Engaged/married ladies, what rings did you have nightmares about?

And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies

This is the story of a girl*, who cried a river and drowned the whole world, who did very well in school, so naturally college was a given. She never had any idea what she wanted to do with her life (except when she was in elementary school and wanted to be an obstetrician... until she found out blood was involved), so she flip-flopped around with different majors, starting with business, going to undeclared, and finally picking psychology because she had somewhat of an interest in it and figured it was a versatile enough major so that she'd have a variety of options for grad school. Oh and yes, grad school was pretty much also a given for this girl.. why? Probably because she didn't like any of the 4-year majors, like engineering or teaching, that she could get a job in straight out of college. 

So at first she thought she wanted to go to grad school for Occupational Therapy, then Speech and Language Pathology, then Audiology. Then she wanted to get her PhD or PsyD and become a psychologist. Then, out of the deepest, darkest, naviest blue (if you know who said that quote the she will love you forever) the girl decided to take the LSAT. Why? She really couldn't tell you. Everyone is always so focused on the future and making teenagers pick lifetime careers before they can even drink legally, and she was confused but figured it was an option. Well, the girl did very well, applied to law school, got in and got a scholarship, and off she went to law school.

Well you may be able to guess what happened next: the girl hated it from the first day of orientation. She debated quitting, but decided to stick it out through the first semester and see how she did. Well of course, being book smart as she was (common sense? Well that's another story), she did very well and decided to stick it out because she didn't want to let anyone down and knew there was nothing else she wanted to do so she just told herself "self, you must be good at law, so just deal with it. Maybe you'll grow to love it." 

She threw herself into trying to love law school, got on the Board of an Honor Society, graduated cum laude, and, surprise surprise, still didn't feel a passion for the law whatsoever. "But I must be good at it!" she told herself. Well who the eff cares. The girl is good at getting fat, but that doesn't mean she should be a food taster for a living! 

The girl took the bar exam and waited for the results, and finally felt like she had an out; if she failed it was okay because it meant career in law wasn't meant to be, and she could move on to something else, no harm no foul (well, besides the $$ but that could be overlooked if she could be legitimately happy). But she passed, and a month later got a job. A job that on paper looks amazing and is everything an aspiring lawyer should want and love. She told herself how lucky she was and not to be selfish, and tricked herself into thinking that practicing law would be different than law school.

Well practicing law is so.much.different than law school (one learns nothing actually useful for practicing law while in law school), but not enough for the girl. This is a girl who always did her best schoolwork at home, alone, and she is now working in a high stress environment with lots of people.. not ideal. So now the girl is a practicing attorney and asks herself every day, "self, what in the h-e-double hockey sticks were you thinking?" But see once she got the ball rolling she couldn't stop it. It was like a tornado spiraling out of control. And after reading this story, you can kinda see how that could happen, right?

She doesn't hate law, in fact, she actually likes many aspects of it, like researching, writing, and editing, but she knows her future does not involve being an attorney in private practice and engaging in litigation. She knows people will be shocked if she quits, and she can live with paying for her mistake, the law school debt, but she cannot see herself being a practicing lawyer for the rest of her life. 

So after lots of discussion and tears, that girl put in her two weeks notice at her job today. Her bosses were very understanding and the whole thing went way better than she could have imagined (picture her pacing back and forth 87 times in her office trying to work up the courage to rip off the proverbial bandaid). While some people around her may be disappointed, in the end it's her life and she needs to be happy. She is working on getting some legal freelancing positions and she has a good idea of what path she'd like her career to go. It is going to be hard? Yes. Is it the ideal time, with being a new homeowner and planning a wedding? No, but when is it ever a good time? She isn't sure what the future holds, but already her heart hurts a little less and her spirit is a little lighter.

*sorry for writing in the third person, it was easier to write about this topic that way

Birthday Weekend Recap

Thanks so much everybody for all the birthday wishes, I can't believe I'm 26. Like seriously, I am definitely going to forget that because I always think I'm 24. The weekend obviously went by way too fast, and I only took like 3 pics, so sorry about that. On Friday night my mom and I went out to dinner and to JoAnns to get some supplies for burlap banners we want to make. Saturday morning I went to Target and got myself a new cute purse (they have tons!), then my sister took me out to brunch at one of my favorite places. I didn't even eat half of that breakfast burrito, and I think I took 2 forkfuls of potatoes, it was so good but so filling!!

Saturday evening was spent at my parents' for dinner, cake, and presents. You know you're getting old when you are super excited you got a hardwood floor cleaner, mandolin slicer, and a pillow with arms, among lots of other cool stuff. Also, did you guys see my cake on Instagram?! My sister spent like 6 hours on Saturday making this Olaf cake, how awesome is that? I was super excited!

Brian got home laaaate Saturday night. Sunday we went to breakfast, picked up color swatches at David's Bridal, ran into Ulta, hung around the house, then went out to a nice dinner. All in all it was a pretty great weekend. Now it's Monday, boo, and I am pretty nervous about something going on today (more details later this week) so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

My 26th Birthday Wish List

Sooo I'm going to be 26 tomorrow, ahh! I am officially on the wrong side of 25. Instead of bombarding you with cute old pics of myself from my childhood (I did that last year, here ya go), I decided to share some of my birthday wishlist with you. I'm not a brat, I swear, my mom specifically asked me to make one so she and my siblings had ideas for what to get me.

1. A new front license plate for my car. Mine is a Wizard of Oz one right now but it's all rusted and faded so it's time for a new one (maybe something like this, idk I'm not too picky).

2. Amazon gift cards so I can buy all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books (what? Don't judge me...)

3. A lap desk thingy for when I'm being lazy on the couch.

4. A mandoline slicer so we can chop tomatoes and onions quicker/easier.

5. Gift card to Home Goods because duh, I love that place.

6. This front porch light to replace our brassy/gold one.

7. One of these pillows, I don't care where from, they look so comfy.

8. These Toms!

Okay so obviously I'm pretty boring/an 80 year old woman, but oh well, what can I say? Anything else awesome I should be asking for? Btw I am still so bummed that Brian's meanie boss made him go to freaking Texas today and all day tomorrow (ON MY BIRTHDAY). Anyway, have a good weekend

Guess what day it is?

Guess.What.Day.It.IS? Yup, time for Hump Day Confessions with Kathy.

1. I'm super sad that Pretty Little Liars is having its summer finale next week.. c'mon man, I can't handle the suspense.

2. After my friend's wedding ceremony on Saturday, the wedding party had to go take pics all over the city. Well, the weather was super nice, but that doesn't mean I didn't sweat like crazy. Well since Brian was back at the hotel still until the reception, I asked him to bring me deodorant to the reception, which isn't weird, but I also asked him to bring me a spare pair of undies. I crumbled them up in a ball, tucked them inside the Spanx that I took off for the reception (ain't nobody got time for that), and hid them behind the ice bucket in the bridal suite of the reception venue. Nobody ever said I was classy!

3. Speaking of Spanx, I am never wearing that crap again. They are hot, uncomfortable, and make it impossible to use the bathroom. I really need to lose weight so I never have to use them again. As soon as the next month of madness is over Bri and I are rejoining the gym and it's serious business. I need to lose SO MUCH WEIGHT before our wedding, which is now less than 14 months away!!!

4. If the little stem is left on grapes or pieces of leaves are left on cut-up strawberries, I can't eat them. Idk, it just grosses me out.

5. I feel like I can't catch a break lately. I have another infection stemming from all the complications with my surgery/post op problems Got more antibiotics, yay. Oh and I'd like to thank the antibiotics for the awful side effects I've had for 3 weeks now. I left work early yesterday because I felt like death, and I can tell they're getting pissed but what can I do? Oh and I never decided what I want to do for my birthday on Saturday (not that I can do much anyways because I feel like shit) but now it doesn't really matter. A big eff you goes out to Brian's boss for forcing him to go to Texas all weekend, even though weeks ago Brian told him he couldn't go because Saturday is my birthday. And we can't celebrate next weekend either because he's going out of town again for 5 days. I feel like I've had a dark cloud over my head for the past 6 weeks and everything that can go wrong does. Will my world ever brighten up? Grrr

6. Okay and this really isn't a confession, but I just want to share my thoughts about the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. I don't get why people are hating on it. Anything that raises awareness and $$$ for a worthy cause is alright in my book. The ALS Association has received tons more donations compared to this same time period last year. I'd say that pouring ice on people's heads has certainly inspired giving among the masses, wouldn't you? I mean, I'm pretty sure that a greater than 1000% increase in charitable giving is a good thing. Whatever works, I say. And about it being "slacktivism?" How do you know that the people dumping water on their heads aren't donating too? I mean, have you asked them all? To assume that everyone who is dumping water on their heads isn't donating money is an incorrect and irresponsible blanket statement. Also, maybe some people can't afford to donate but still want to spread the message so people with means can donate. Oh and don't give me that crap about it being a waste of water. First of all, it's not that much water. Second, seriously guys, more water is probably wasted taking those long baths bloggers are always raving about, and no one's raising money taking a bath now are they? Nope. If you don't want to participate, then just don't! If you don't want to see the videos, then just don't watch them! If you want to donate to another charity, just do it! No one is stopping you, but making people feel bad about doing what they believe is for good is not nice. #endrant

Going to the Chapel

This weekend flew by! Friday afternoon I left work at noon because I needed to get a mani/pedi before packing up and heading to Maryland for my friend's wedding. Friday night was the rehearsal/dinner, and Saturday morning we had to be in her hotel room at 6:30 am (!!!!!) to start getting ready for the ceremony at 1:30pm. The ceremony was in a beautiful Catholic church and the reception was in this awesome old mansion. I didn't really get to take many pictures, since I was a bridesmaid, but Bri took a few. Sorry there are none of the bride/bridal party. My friend doesn't know I have a blog and is pretty private and I don't want to put pics of her all over the internet. :-)

Oh and Sunday we ordered the favors for our wedding! These will be on the tables with the dark eggplant/plum colored linen napkins and an orange/white striped straw sticking out. I'm so excited!

Sorry for the arrow in the pic, I just screenshotted the sample lol

We also ordered our Save the Dates! I know, I know, I am so early, but I want to order/book one or two things every month so we don't get overwhelmed... plus it's fun! But seriously, aren't these adorable?! And they're magnets!

Alright guys, let's power through this Monday!

1 Year and 200 Posts

So I missed my 200th post, this is actually my 202nd post! I also realized that I missed my 1 year blogiversary on July 15th! #slacker (And okay, so I actually started this blog in January of 2013 but I didn't really say anything and didn't start posting regularly until July so I consider that my official starting date).

Honestly, when I first started blogging I didn't know how long I would actually keep up with it. I had been reading other people's blogs for like 3-4 years. The first one I came across was The Anderson Crew because a girl from my old job followed them. I just loved watching that family grow, and I randomly found more and more blogs through the blogs I was reading and now the beast is out of control. I am super nosy and I love reading about other people's lives, but I never knew how big and awesome a community blogging is until I actually joined it. Like, you can make actual friends!

The past year or so has been a pretty crazy and busy one! I graduated law school, started blogging, took and passed the bar exam, got a real-life lawyer job, bought a house, got engaged, found out I'm going to be an aunt, had surgery, and all sorts of other things, including weddings and vacations. It really flew by!

I'm pretty surprised I stuck with blogging for so long, because I give up on non-academic stuff kind of easily sometimes. Who knows how long I'll keep going, hopefully awhile. I may not post as regularly as I once did, because I cannot seem to find the time right now, but hey, who knows, maybe I will. Anyways, thanks for reading and commenting guys, it's so cool that there are people out there who actually want to read my ramblings. And since I couldn't decide what kind of picture went with this post, you get this totally random one of Brian and me pretty much as babies, with a creepy balloon person. Don't ask, I don't even know.

This and That

So since I haven't really blogged for a few weeks (if you missed why, I explained in this post), I figured I'd do a little update on what else is going on in my life.

But before I do so, I want to express my sorrow over the death of Robin Williams. Depression and other mental illnesses are not something we as society should brush aside, but I feel as if we make jokes about them and take it lightly and that needs to change. These are diseases as much as diabetes or heart disease or cancer. Nobody chooses to have a mental illness, and when people I see people tweeting or hear them saying that suicide is a selfish act I want to scream at them. How dare they judge someone solely based on one final, desperate act, a decision that person made in a moment in which they were likely unable to think clearly. As a person who deals with depression and anxiety on a daily basis, I know how debilitating it can be. It's sad how many people out there are probably hiding behind a smile. Robin Williams made so many people laugh, and I am so sad and so sorry to see him go.

"We've come to this planet looking for intelligent life. Oops, we made a mistake."

Well as I mentioned the other day, we were lucky enough to head up to the lake for a long weekend for some relaxation and recovery. I even used my new camera a bit! I took a billion pics, but I won't overload you.

Hmm, let's see. Ooo the wedding. Well you already know we booked our venue and photographer, but we booked our DJ last weekend too, woop! Also, we plan to meet with a travel agent next month about where to honeymoon! Any suggestions?

My dad's side of the family was in town last weekend, I finally got out of the house, and we all went to an Orioles game! They were playing the Cardinals, my Pee Pop's favorite, so it was funny since he wore Cardinals gear while we were decked out in our black and orange. The Os blew the Cardinals out of the water that day though, poor Pee Pop.

(iPhone pics, obvi)

We have a super busy next month. This weekend is my good friend's wedding, which I am a bridesmaid in. The weekend after is my birthday. I don't even know what I want to do yet, any ideas? Seriously, help! Then, Brian's cousin is getting married in San Diego the weekend after that. Then we finally get a free weekend, but oh wait, the weekend after that is another wedding, this time in Maine! I am excited about the next month, but I'm exhausted just thinking about it all, to be honest, especially after my sucky last month.

Lastly, Brian and I have been having "strategy meetings." For what? you ask. Can't say right now, sorry, but I will tell you guys in the next 2-6 weeks, promise!!

Where I've Been: Surgery Update

It's okay guys, I'm alive. It's been over 3 weeks since I last wrote a post, and over 2 weeks since a post went up. Life has been nuts, and I'm tired, so I'm just going to ramble update you on where I've been, okay? K. Just a warning, it's going to be a long one (that's what he said).

First off, my surgery. Umm, this surgery sucked. Remember how I said that I had a similar surgery three years ago? Well last time it wasn't too bad, and I was back to normal in about a week. Well, that bit me in the butt, hard. What a joke, wait, no, this surgery was no joke. I was down and out for two weeks, and really it should have been three but I had to go back to work, unfortunately. I left the hospital the day of the surgery feeling awful, with my pain at about an 8, even with all the pain meds they'd pumped into me. Needless to say I had some crappy post-op care but I won't get into it, I already spoke to the hospital about that and don't care to re-live it.

Anyways, so I couldn't bend over, my incisions hurt, my head and stomach hurt, and I was so full of gas, which is super duper painful. When they do laparoscopic surgery, they pump you full of tons of air so they can see and move your organs around better. Well, that air makes you so bloated you look 6 months pregnant for days, so that's cute. Know what's even cuter? That I am still bloated (probably like a 3 month stomach now haha) 3 weeks later, and I have to squeeze in a bridesmaid dress this Saturday. Yea, I lost 7 pounds from the surgery, but because my stomach is so bloated, it's taking up extra room so the dress is tight on my butt.

But all that isn't even close to being the worst of it. Brian and I slept on our sectional couch for the week because it's easier to get out of than our bed, plus I couldn't get up the steps. I couldn't even get off the couch or toilet myself, or pull up my own pants, for almost a week. It was so demeaning. I am lucky to have Brian and my family who would come and stay the day with me. So anyways, back to the worst of it. Early in the morning the day after the surgery, I was in the worst pain I have ever been in in my life. I was screaming and crying hysterically. My mom came over and Brian called the emergency line at my doctors, and luckily my doc was the one on call. He told Brian to triple my pain meds that morning, and double it for the next few days. He said keep an eye out for a fever because of possible infection.

I suffered through the next few days on the couch, but then Friday night all night long I had the chills and was sweating like crazy, which only means one thing: fever. So Brian called the emergency line again-- off to the ER for 7 hours for a CT scan, X-Ray, and lots of bloodwork. They did one packet of IV antibiotics, sent me home with two different antibiotics, and told me to come back if I was nauseous and vomiting, or developed a fever again. Welp I left there nauseous and in tons of pain, woke up Sunday nauseous, then Sunday afternoon vomited many times, and had a fever. Ugh, after a call to the doc and the ER, back we went. We waited for 2 hours before I got taken back, then sat on a bed in the freaking hallway for another hour before anyone even put an IV in my arm and gave me fluids. Meanwhile I am crying and in SO. MUCH. PAIN. My head and stomach were killing me and I was so nauseous and dizzy, plus I was dry heaving into one of those pink bed pans every 5 minutes (if I took even a sip of water, that came right up. Cute). Finally, FINALLY, a nurse came, gave me pain meds and nausea meds and took blood. I have never seen Brian this mad in my whole life. He said we are never returning to that hospital unless our arms are literally falling off.

When a doctor finally came to see us (by the way, we are still in the hallway at this point, and remained their our entire stay), he said my white blood count had risen a lot from the high level it was at the day before, and that I needed to be admitted to the hospital. But wait, not that hospital, because it's not the one I had my surgery at; my surgeon needed to be the one to look at me. Apparently surgeons don't like to take over other surgeons cases, who knew? (Okay, I should have, given that I'm a lawyer and I guarantee there's a legal reason behind that) My surgery was done at a hospital in Baltimore an hour away. So I got to take a nice ride in an ambulance down to Baltimore at 2am, while still throwing up ice chips into my pee bucket. At least I had my Kindle Fire to watch some Parks and Rec on, ha.

Luckily, and coincidentally, my really good friend from high school (and now) is an RN and was working at that hospital in the floor below my room that night! She was there to greet me and stayed with me and Brian for like an hour. What a difference from the other hospital! I had a private room and bathroom, TV, and Brian had his own bed. After some quick exams from a doctor and a bunch of nurses and more IV pain meds and antibiotics, I watched TV while Brian got like 3 hours of sleep. There was no way I could sleep, as I had to breathe into a tube thingy every 10 minutes to prevent pneumonia, and they put these compression air things on my legs to prevent clots. Not to mention the fact that I was so nauseous and dizzy, and people kept coming in every half hour. Not that I minded, I was so happy to be getting treatment finally!

In the morning I got an ultrasound (super fun) and more bloodwork, then pretty much waited around with Brian, my mom, and aunt. My doctor got there in the afternoon and pretty much just said I had a nasty infection and that I needed to stay another night. When he left I cried. Plus they had finally given me this seemingly-awesome other nausea medicine that actually helped my nausea (the other medicine couldn't even touch it), but that medicine made me so restless and nervous. I felt like I was in hell and couldn't get out, I was so panicked. So they gave me something to calm me down and I pretty much slept on and off until the next morning, which was much needed since I hadn't slept in almost two days. In the morning they drew more blood and we waited and waited and waited and they finally said I could leave! Woop! We left with two antibiotics and got the heck out of there.

Oh but the story doesn't end there, sorry to those of you that are still reading. Those antibiotics had some of the WORST side effects ever. I will not go into details, because I am sure you can imagine the two side effects I'm talking about (especially us girls), but it has been awful. I got out of the hospital almost two weeks ago now and am still having side effects. My doctor said I'm having a bad reaction to the antibiotics (STILL! I've been off them for a week!) and called me in some more stuff to help.

So why was this surgery so much worse than the last one? Welp, according to the doc, because believe me I asked, it was because my cyst was larger (umm it was huge!) and so they had to literally push organs back where they belonged (yea..) which is why the pain was worse and the recovery longer. Also, I got that stupid infection which prolonged everything, and then on top of that, I don't react well to antibiotics, obviously. All in all, I missed two weeks of work, and I finally went back last Monday. I usually left an hour or two early everyday last week, because I was exhausted. Oh and I had to stay home Wednesday because I felt horrible. I am finally getting to the point where I feel much better, still tired and suffering from one nasty side effect, but I have pretty much resumed normal activities, thank goodness.

The positives:
- I got to recover at the Lake for a weekend. Given, I didn't get to do very much and I napped a bunch, but there's something about getting the heck out of town to recover that is nice.
- I got to watch lots of movies.

The negatives:
- Well besides all of the above, we had to cancel a cookout we were going to host for like 25 friends, boo! We are hoping to reschedule for late September tho, fingers crossed!
- I can never eat Sonic, slushies, or mozzarella sticks ever again. You can probably guess why.

Wow that was long. I don't mean to be a baby about it, but I figured this will explain where I've been for the past three weeks. I wouldn't wish this crap on my worst enemy, I'll tell ya. It may take me a little time to get back in the swing of things, but I will definitely be posting more updates about various stuff and about my blogiversary this week. Oh, and keep an eye out for my birthday wish list next week ;-)

P.S. Sorry for no pictures in this post, but really, would you have wanted any? Didn't think so...