Ah yes, the morning commute. I swear I'm a decent person with above-average patience on a normal day. But what happens when I turn the ignition and back out of the garage? Something takes over and all bets are off.
When I'm caught in the painfully slow bumper-to-bumper stuff, it's all about playing mind games to retain some of the sanity that I have left. Of course singing loudly (c'mon we all do it) and using the steering wheel as my personal drum set helps. So does playing the license plate game, where you find as many different state's plates as you can (my record is 11 in one morning commute).
But lately I've been keeping calm by taking note of the many interesting characters out on the road. Sometimes you just have to laugh at these people (er, laugh with them).
There's no worse feeling than tailgating a slow car, getting frustrated, possibly letting a few four-letter words fly, finally getting around them only to realize the driver is a sweet 90 year-old lady.
It's not her fault! She is certainly in no hurry. Plus I'm convinced they can't even see over their dashboard ... must be hard to drive that way!
Probably the antithesis of Grandma is the Bro. He weaves through traffic like he's in Fast and the Furious 17 (that must be how many movies there are). He sports the RayBans, leans back with one arm on the wheel, tinted windows, and a dumb spoiler on the back. I saw plenty of this Bro growing up in New Jersey, but now he's been showing up a lot in PA!
I do feel bad for the truckers out there, because living on the road with these other crazies must be maddening. But you think they would be tired of all the bad driving out there and try to set a good example for the rest of us! Not so much. Check out this scene from my afternoon commute yesterday (no one was seriously hurt, I checked):
I think we're all looking forward to the day that cars can drive themselves, so that we can text all our buddies on the road. Until then, get off your iPhone fool! These texters usually get a thumbs-down from me (no joke) as I zoom past them.
The fun part of the morning commute is seeing what people try to get away with on their way to work. Obviously a coffee for the morning drive is essential. I've been known to grab a Pop Tart or a Nature Valley bar (crumbs everywhere) for the road.
But I've also seen people reading newspapers, eating breakfast while driving with their knees (how the heck?), and applying a full set of makeup. I guess you might as well be productive while you're stuck in traffic!
This guy is the bully on the block. It's actually pretty funny to watch everyone slow down and switch lanes in fear when he shows up. Even Bro and iCantDrive pretend to act like saints.
Of course, the rules do not apply to Johnny Law! I have witnessed him turn on those flashing lights to get by traffic, only to turn them off when he's through it. There must have been an emergency call at Dunkin Donuts (sorry I had to).
Finally, I will introduce you to my sworn enemy of the road. On a typical bumper-to-bumper afternoon commute home, I had the pleasure of following this clown for a long stretch of the highway. Apparently I was too close for this guy's comfort.
He proceeded to CHUCK HANDFULS OF CHANGE out of his window at me! We're not talking a few pennies, but handfuls of quarters and dimes. If I wasn't in complete shock I would have tried to catch some. And of course he had a kid in the back seat. I hope he wasted all of his change on me and couldn't pay the toll!
Okay but in all seriousness, be safe out there people, and keep your eyes out for crazy drivers! --Brian
Isn't he awesome?! Don't you feel like joining his commute? When he first told me about the change-chucker, I was so angry I wanted to track that jerk down! I love Brian for making that crappy commute everyday so he can live with me in PA :-) Have a great weekend, I'm off to get my hair done! Leave Brian some comment love so he wants to come back and guest post for me again soon.