Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Help! Questions From the Bride

Okay so obviously I am pretty much done with all the wedding planning, but I still have some questions left and maybe some are weird but hey, it's only weird if you don't ask right? Some of these are about the ceremony because if you read my wedding planning post, you probably noticed I didn't talk much about the ceremony and that is precisely because we really haven't planned it yet. But don't worry, we still have two meetings with our pastor before the wedding.

ONE. So I've always pictured myself standing on the right side at the ceremony. I know I know, that's not typical and every wedding I've been to has the bride on the left and the groom on the right, but is it WEIRD? Like will everyone laugh and point if I stand on the right? Should I suck it up and stand on the left even though that's not how I've always pictured it? Help!

TWO. What's the right length for a ceremony? We've been to some that lasted 5 minutes and some that lasted an hour, and all types in between. We were thinking between 15-20 minutes for ours. We aren't doing a unity candles/sand ceremony or anything like that, but we wanted to write our own vows. Nothing too lengthy (mine are like 6 lines long and mention Lorelai and Luke... IS THAT WEIRD?!), and I think I still want to do the traditional vows.

THREE. We aren't doing a bouquet or garter toss. What do you think of that? If you were a guest would you even notice? I don't think it is weird, and in fact, I hate the whole bouquet toss thing. I'm not going to change my mind about not having it, but I just want to know your thoughts.

FOUR. We aren't having kids at the wedding. We made it clear well in advance that kids are not invited, and it became a huge "thing" and caused some major arguments. I know we did it the correct way and that it is extremely common not to have kids at the wedding, but with the backlash we got, you'd think we didn't invite MEN or something. Did you have kids at your wedding? Did people flip out if you didn't? I don't feel bad about not inviting kids, but I just can't believe how people reacted.

It's almost as if I wrote this one myself (I didn't)

FIVE. Am I wrong to be annoyed that people couldn't find the time to send their RSVPs back? It's not like it's just a few people either, it was like 26 our of 64 RSVP cards we haven't received at this point, and they're due this week (and we sent them out a month and a half ago!). We started contacting people this weekend and most people didn't even have it on their minds to send them back. We've had people say that they didn't have any stamps (umm it's pre-addressed and PRE-STAMPED!) and the whole gamut of excuses, plus people who didn't even respond to our text messages when we inquired.

Most people already knew if they are coming or not, as we sent Save-the-Dates out in January, and a ton of people already booked hotel rooms, but we need to know numbers and our venue also requires that we give a food choice count, so we need to know what our guests want to eat. I definitely don't think people are being intentional or malicious at all with not returning them, I just think most people assume we know they're coming or just completely forgot, but still. Am I being completely oversensitive here?

Sorry for that last rant, but I swear, that has been the worst part of wedding planning. Any advice or opinions you want to give me, please, lay it on me! I can take it, be honest, thanks!!
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  1. I stood on the left, lol. had to check my pictures, I had no idea it was even a thing. I'm sure no-one will care! Our ceremony was super short - as a guest, I hate anything longer than 5 minutes.. well, not hate, but I want to get to the party part ;)
    Seriously with the no kids.. so much rage and stress for our wedding. Everyone ended up ignoring us and bringing their kids.. yep.
    Also, the RSVP thing. There is really no point in getting stressed over it - I know it's easier said than done - but it's just something people do (rather, they don't do) for some odd reason. I had to call 50+ people. That was fun.

  2. Stand on whatever side you want, different is good in my opinion.

    I say 15 - 20 is a good time frame not to short and not long enough for people to start yawning.

    I can't imagine wanting to take my kid to a wedding or a reception, she doesn't give a crap about either of those things and it would just be a big pain to keep her quiet and entertained.

  3. I'm not married so can't speak from experience but I think you get to do whatever the eff you feel like when you are planning & paying(or anyone is paying) for your wedding. It's your day not theirs so if they get all mad about not bringing kids too bad, find a sitter. I hate going to weddings with children, you are constantly tripping over someone's kid because they are having too much fun to watch them or you get that one kid that starts wailing during the ceremony!

  4. I say it is your wedding and you do what you want!!! If you want to stay on the right, stand on the right. I think I stood on the left but who cares, you know?! It isn't going to change the fact that you are married or anything. And your wedding is at a brewery. The fact that you even have to tell people no kids is insane but people are stupid. And the RSVP thing....people have no manners anymore. Clearly it takes effort to check a box and walk to the mailbox, duh. How insensitive of you. (I hope you gather my sarcasm there.)

  5. 1) Stand wherever you want to stand. Looking back, I did stand on the left but I had no idea that was a "thing" but I doubt most people would even notice if you didn't, much less say anything about it.

    2) I think our ceremony was about 15-20 minutes. We had a "message" from the bride to the groom and groom to the bride (i.e., vows we wrote) and then actual vows from the Book of Ruth.

    3) We didn't do either toss and no one made a single comment to me about it. I always hate the tosses at wedding so I never considered doing them for even a second.

    4) Don't feel bad about not inviting kids.. it is YOUR wedding. People can be jerks when things don't go precisely how they think they should. Ignore them and then rock your child-free wedding.

    5) People are the worst. Seriously! All tallied up, per head, our wedding costs us like $75 a person (food, drinks, cake, etc.) We had well over 20 people specifically RSVP YES and then not come. They started texting me a few days before the wedding (you know, too late to recoup the money I had spent on them) to tell me reasons why they couldn't be there. The worst was having people text me on the actual wedding day with their regrets! I mean -- that's like over $1,500 in cancellations! I was livid. Like I said, people are the worst!


  6. I've never seen anyone stand on the right but it's YOUR wedding and there's no law that says you can't, so I say DO IT!
    I think 15-20 is a good timeframe to shoot for. Ours will probably be around that, too. No one wants to sit through an hour and a half wedding but I also think it's important to have some kind of formality involved.
    We aren't doing the bouquet or garter toss either. To me it's just AWKWARD.
    No kids for us either. Luckily we haven't received any backlash. I've been very vocal and firm about it since before we were even engaged! lol
    The RSVP thing is the height of annoying and rude. It takes 2 fucking seconds. This isn't a potluck. It's a fucking wedding.

  7. 1) I did as I was told and I think there was some reasoning behind it (some cutesy superstitious thing that didn't really matter). Ask and if there's no reason or you don't care about the reason, you can probably do what you want.
    2) Don't do stuff to make it longer. The right answer is when you guys have said what you want to say! I wrote ours and my vows (he wrote his) and we were around 20 minutes. I think I blogged about it. Also our vows mentioned Gilmore Girls and couples from Lost, Everwood, and The Office so not weird to me at all!

    3) Agree on the garter/bouquet toss! I wanted to do something so we invited ALL women to vie for individual roses with a scratch off ticket attached. I mostly just wanted the pics though!
    4) Your wedding, your rules. People think their kids are the most precious things ever and get offended if you don't but oh well.
    5) It's SUPER annoying! Can your family/bridal party reach out to them for you?

  8. this your wedding YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT!! that's the way i saw things at my wedding. i didn't have the bouquet or garter toss either because cheese and lame. no one even noticed; they were too busy drinking the free booze and or stuffing their face. isn't that what weddings are all about anyway? food, dancing and booze? no one has time to stop that fun stuff to catch shit. besides, it's hard to catch that stuff when your'e hammered and seeing double LOL

  9. I can't believe your wedding is so close! It's going to be perfect, no matter what you decide. :)

  10. I agree with everyone else: your wedding, you do you.

    I think 15-20 minutes is a good goal. Anything longer than an hour is just cruel. I went to a wedding ceremony once that lasted three. freaking. hours. Who does that?!

    I'm with you on the bouquet and garter toss. As a guest I always hated it: AWKWARD. At my wedding, we drove away in a convertible and I tossed my bouquet out the back as we were driving away. I don't even know if anyone caught it. LOL!

    I did have kids at my wedding. But I was a nanny and kids have always been a big part of my life. I had a special row reserved for all "my girls" which was super sweet. I have never understood people pitching a fit about not being able to bring their kids to something. Just find a sitter and keep your mouth shut. Everything is not about you!! (that's to the petulant parents--not you. obviously.)


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